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For Rosemarie, Moving to The Arbors Was a Wish Come True

The day Rosemarie moved into The Arbors at Stoneham was a day for celebrating: Her wishes had come true.

The Five Wishes

A few years ago, Rosemarie’s son Tony had introduced her and her now-late husband to Five Wishes. Five Wishes is a living will/advance directive document that helps guide families through conversations before a health crisis.
“Dad was a diabetic,” says Tony, who is an attorney. Five Wishes was an opportunity for my parents to sit down individually, then with themselves, and ultimately with all five children and have a conversation about aging, about family dynamics, and about needs, fears, and desires. We knew that we had to have these conversations. I’m not one to avoid these things.”

Five Wishes allowed Rosemarie to express:

  • The person she trusts to make decisions for her
  • What types of medical treatment she would want — or not want
  • What is most important for her comfort and dignity
  • What important spiritual or faith traditions should be remembered
  • What she wants her loved ones and health care providers to know about her

It took the guessing out of caring. Rosemarie’s children heard firsthand what she wanted, and they had the opportunity to share their concerns, too.

“There was conversation, respectful resolution, and acceptance,” Tony says.

Not Another Winter

After Rosemarie’s husband passed in 2014, she stayed in the condo they had shared for the past 25 years and continued working at DeScenza Diamonds in Boston, where she had been a front-end sales clerk for over 35 years.

By spring 2018, the commute — a drive to a park-and-ride lot, a ride on the commuter rail, a trip on the subway, and lots of flights of stairs during rush hour — was getting to be a lot. Her kids were worried.

“Mom was facing yet another winter in the condo,” Tony says. “Realizing she might be stopping work or cutting back on work, which was a huge social activity for her, we thought it might be time to consider moving into a different living environment. We have honest conversations in our family, so we just said, ‘Ma, you’re getting older. [The condo] is big. The market is good. Why don’t we look at some things?”

Before Tony and his siblings could offer help, Rosemarie agreed and started looking for the right assisted living community. “There was no resistance,” Tony recalls. “There was actually an embracement.”

The Next Chapter

Rosemarie knew what she wanted. She created a list of about nine different assisted living facilities and started her investigation. When she had narrowed down the list to two, she asked Tony and his sister — her two oldest children, the executors of her estate, and her powers of attorney — if they would go visit them with her.

The first place they looked was a newer facility, but it felt more like a hotel than a home. Rosemarie did not want that.

The second place they toured was The Arbors at Stoneham. One of Rosemarie’s friends lived in The Arbors and was very positive about the experience, so the family was already optimistic. When they saw the apartment, Rosemarie felt at home. She could picture herself cooking Italian Easter pizza in the kitchenette, sitting on the patio off the community dining room, and playing cards and Scrabble with the other residents.

Tony also appreciated that The Arbors is a family-owned and -operated business.

“You’re not dealing with a major corporation; you’re dealing with someone who has a vested interest in the success of their building,” he says. “I’ve represented family businesses. I know that there are unarticulated benefits that people get when the family owns a business. I’ve seen it here. I can feel it in the energy. I can see it in the authority and the respect that is given to the people at the front end. If I’m going to spend my money, I’d rather spend it in an operation infused with those values.”

Rosemarie sold her condo and moved into The Arbors in November 2018. In early 2019, she retired.

“From our view, this is the ideal time for her to be there,” Tony says. “Without the burden of having to think about paying bills, maintaining the condo, spending time alone in the condo … with all this place has to offer, she’s now able to enjoy the active part of her life with much less burden and responsibility.”

Do you know the most important factors for your elderly parent as you help them choose an assisted living community? For guidance on how to navigate the search, download our eBook How to Choose the Right Assisted Living Community.

 

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Assisted Living Costs and AffordabilityAre you considering assisted living for yourself or a loved one but are hesitant about the cost? Assisted living costs, services and amenities vary greatly among the last and most expensive communities, and costs are higher in some states than others.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Having “The Talk” With Your Parent: It’s Time for Assisted Living
Talking to your aging parent about moving to an assisted living community isn’t easy.

Often, many adult children avoid bringing it up because it can be a sensitive topic.

This guide will provide you with helpful tips and insight on how to have a productive conversation with your parent and siblings regarding your parent’s future.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-The Challenges of Aging: How to Handle Your Aging Parent’s Difficult BehaviorsDifficult behaviors in elderly adults are very common. They may be an expression of frustration your loved one feels or a symptom of early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s.

This guide will provide you with skills and knowledge on how to handle difficult behaviors your aging parent may be experiencing.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Becoming a Family Caregiver: What You Need to Know Before Deciding to Take Care of a Loved One
Becoming a family caregiver can be a rewarding experience. It also has its challenges.

There are many questions to answer before making the decision to take care of a loved one.

This guide will provide answers to questions you may have on this topic.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Helping Your Parent Manage DepressionIs your parent or loved one depressed, or just in a bad mood?

What does medication and illness have to do with depression?

How can you help? In this guide, you will be provided with answers to the difficult questions you may have about depression.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Is It Depression? A Guide to Identifying and Addressing Depression in Aging AdultsHas your aging parent recently lost interest in activities they used to enjoy? Have you noticed a change in their mood and behavior?

This guide will provide you with resources and tools on how to identify depression, what are the common causes of depression, and how to promote mental health in your aging loved one.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Assisted Living Frequently Asked Questions and Answers
Does your loved one need more support than what they are getting? Would they benefit from some assistance with daily activities?

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Why We Chose the Arbors Assisted Living and Memory Care: A Collection of Stories from Residents Living at The ArborsWhere do you start searching for assisted living or memory care communities?

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Has your dad stopped getting together for lunches or outings with friends or visits with neighbors? Have you stopped enjoying time with your parents because you’re a caregiver?

Choosing an assisted living community is a big decision. Learn how to find the right one for you and your loved one.


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Guide-Getting Your Affairs in Order
No one ever plans to be sick or disabled, and disasters, man-made or natural, can happen at any time, anywhere.

Yet older adults are among the most vulnerable during a crisis. That’s why it’s critical that seniors, and those who care for them, prepare for emergencies.


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Guide-Guide to Making the Move to Assisted Living
Moving to assisted living is a life-changing event.

This guide provides tips and ideas on downsizing, what to pack and how to make the transition smooth for your senior parent.


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Guide-Solutions to Common Caregiving ChallengesIn this eBook, you’ll learn how to talk with family and friends about caregiving challenges, how to deal with a parent who is resistant to help, how to get more caregiving help from your siblings, and how to keep your job while caregiving.


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How Moving My Loved One to The Arbors Eliminated My Caregiving ChallengesHave you had to cut back your hours at work to care for your mom? Are you worried about administering medications or injections?

Have you stopped getting together with friends, either because you don’t have the time or you’re too exhausted? Are you becoming the invisible second patient?


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-When is the Right Time for Memory Care?In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia, including the early symptoms of dementia; the seven stages of dementia and the symptoms that typically accompany each one; and the signs it’s time to start exploring your memory care options.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-What to Look for in a Memory Care CommunityIn this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between assisted living and memory care, how healthcare professionals are trained in dementia care, common features of a memory care community, and questions you should ask when exploring your memory care options.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-Brothers and Sisters
Navigating adult sibling relationships can be a challenge, but coming together for the sake of your parent is important.

In this guide, you’ll learn about common sibling conflicts that arise when caring for parents, strategies for getting siblings on board, and where to turn to for help.


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Guide-The StandoffAssisted living can be a touchy subject. No matter how you approach it, your parent is likely to have objections to something.

As you help them transition to a new stage of life, it helps to be prepared with answers to their questions and concerns.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-11 Most Common Caregiving Challenges
A Guide to the Most Common Family Caregiver Challenges Associated with Caring for an Aging Parent.

You’ll learn about the true costs of being a family caregiver, common family conflicts that can occur when caring for parents, and some of the unexpected challenges of caregiving.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-Checklist_ Questions to Ask When Touring an Assisted Living Community
This checklist will help to make sure you are getting the most out of your visit to The Arbors.

The list details what important questions to ask during your visit so you are able to make an enlightened choice and find the best assisted living community for your needs.

NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-What is Assisted Living Really LikeIf you’re unsure what Assisted Living looks like in real life, whether there is a difference with nursing homes or a desire to see how community life unfolds, then this guide is exactly what you need.

A guide to discover the Care Team and a Typical Day in Assisted Living.

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Instant Access to Free Cost Comparison guide

You’re probably wondering how much the different senior living options compare to your current situation.
If you do, then this guide is exactly what you need.


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