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How Assisted Living Gave Me My Life Back

For many people, moving to assisted living doesn’t feel like any other move. With it — they imagine — comes a loss of privacy, control, independence, and comfort. But the best assisted living communities are nothing like the “old-folks’ homes” of yesterday. Just ask Rit, an 80-something from New York who recently moved into The Ivy at Ellington. “I like it here,” he says. “You can do whatever you want to do. It’s good living.”

But Rit wasn’t always so sure about assisted living. For many years, he was happy living in his two-bedroom apartment in Wappingers Falls, New York. He had his routine down pat: Wake up, drive to the store, come home, watch TV.

Sometimes his son and grandchildren would visit from Ellington, Connecticut, but the two-hour drive meant they didn’t see one another as often as they’d like.

Then one Sunday, Rit slipped while he was getting out of the shower. He could hear the phone ring — his son calling to check in — but he’d hit his head and back on the way down and couldn’t move. The apartment manager found Rit lying on the bathroom floor on Monday morning.

The retired U.S. Army officer wasn’t about to give up his independence just because he now needed to use a walker, but he did want to be closer to family. So when his son suggested he move to The Ivy at Ellington, he hesitantly agreed.

What is assisted living like for Rit?

It’s Monday morning at The Ivy at Ellington. Rit’s already eaten breakfast in the “mess hall.”

“That’s my Army lingo,” Rit says — and is now sitting in the pub drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper.

“I’m busy because I do this newscast on Mondays,” he says. “I read the paper and pick out items that we’ll discuss. We don’t talk too much about sports, though, unless the Red Sox or the Patriots win.”

After the news and sports discussion, the former track star heads for the courtyard, where he tries to get in 10 laps a day. “When the Holy Walk-a-Molies Club walks, I’ll usually follow those ladies,” Rit says. “I’m the caboose, but it’s helping me gain strength in my legs.”

After his walk, Rit is ready for lunch. He walks into the dining room and heads straight for “his” table. “I consider it my table — I guess that would be wrong to say — but we do have four guys who usually sit together at the same table.” In between bites of their Philly steak and cheese grinders, the men swap stories about grandchildren and the war and offer beer and movie recommendations.

Then, if Rit is feeling social, he might play Rummikub or Mexican Train. Other times, he might retreat to his room to watch one of his favorite Westerns. “But even the days I sit and watch Westerns, people come in and say hi,” Rit says. “I have a lot of friends here.”

A few minutes before 3 p.m., Rit heads back to the pub for social hour. He orders an IPA — his favorite style of beer — and raises a toast to the ladies.

“They get a kick out of that. Then I’ve started saying, ‘Oh, and let’s make a toast to the young men — if there are any,’” Rit quips. “And then I’ll start an argument with someone, just to start an argument. They know it’s in fun, so the next thing you know, more and more people are getting involved. I try and get as many people involved in the discussion because then they might meet another person they like and then they’ve found a friend.”

What Rit has realized is that assisted living didn’t take away his independence. In fact, he’s regained freedom he lost while living at home alone: Someone else comes in and cleans his room. He doesn’t have to go to the grocery store or make dinner. Someone else plans the trip to The Big E or the New England Air & Space Museum. He doesn’t have to worry about how he’s going to get to his doctor’s appointment.

“You can have a tremendous good time every time you leave your room,” Rit says. “You can’t beat it.”

Rit’s right: At the best assisted living communities, seniors thrive and gain their independence back by getting active and social once again. But not all assisted living communities are created equal.

If you’re searching for the right assisted living community, you want to make sure it is the best fit for your lifestyle and personality. To make the process easier, it helps to form a clear picture of the options that are available, how communities differ from one another, and what makes each community unique.

For a guide to researching assisted living options, download our eBook How to Choose the Right Assisted Living Community.

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The Arbors® and The Ivy™ at Ellington are not affiliated with or related in any way to Arbors of Hop Brook Retirement Community in Manchester, Connecticut.

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Assisted living can be a touchy subject. No matter how you approach it, your parent is likely to have objections to something.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-How to Choose the Right Assisted Living Community: What You Need to Know Before You Begin Your SearchHave you decided that assisted living is the best option for your elderly parent, and now are feeling overwhelmed on how to begin your search for the right community?

This guide will go over what you need to know before you make a decision.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Assisted Living Costs and AffordabilityAre you considering assisted living for yourself or a loved one but are hesitant about the cost? Assisted living costs, services and amenities vary greatly among the last and most expensive communities, and costs are higher in some states than others.

This guide will answer questions you may have about the costs of assisted living and recommend resources to help you pay for it.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Having “The Talk” With Your Parent: It’s Time for Assisted Living
Talking to your aging parent about moving to an assisted living community isn’t easy.

Often, many adult children avoid bringing it up because it can be a sensitive topic.

This guide will provide you with helpful tips and insight on how to have a productive conversation with your parent and siblings regarding your parent’s future.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-The Challenges of Aging: How to Handle Your Aging Parent’s Difficult BehaviorsDifficult behaviors in elderly adults are very common. They may be an expression of frustration your loved one feels or a symptom of early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s.

This guide will provide you with skills and knowledge on how to handle difficult behaviors your aging parent may be experiencing.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Becoming a Family Caregiver: What You Need to Know Before Deciding to Take Care of a Loved One
Becoming a family caregiver can be a rewarding experience. It also has its challenges.

There are many questions to answer before making the decision to take care of a loved one.

This guide will provide answers to questions you may have on this topic.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Helping Your Parent Manage DepressionIs your parent or loved one depressed, or just in a bad mood?

What does medication and illness have to do with depression?

How can you help? In this guide, you will be provided with answers to the difficult questions you may have about depression.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Is It Depression? A Guide to Identifying and Addressing Depression in Aging AdultsHas your aging parent recently lost interest in activities they used to enjoy? Have you noticed a change in their mood and behavior?

This guide will provide you with resources and tools on how to identify depression, what are the common causes of depression, and how to promote mental health in your aging loved one.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Assisted Living Frequently Asked Questions and Answers
Does your loved one need more support than what they are getting? Would they benefit from some assistance with daily activities?

In this guide, you’ll find answers to the most common questions asked about assisted living.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Why We Chose the Arbors Assisted Living and Memory Care: A Collection of Stories from Residents Living at The ArborsWhere do you start searching for assisted living or memory care communities?

What qualities in a community should you look for? How do you know you made the right decision?


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-7 Warning Signs It’s Time to Make the Move to Assisted Living
Has your dad stopped getting together for lunches or outings with friends or visits with neighbors? Have you stopped enjoying time with your parents because you’re a caregiver?

Choosing an assisted living community is a big decision. Learn how to find the right one for you and your loved one.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-Getting Your Affairs in Order
No one ever plans to be sick or disabled, and disasters, man-made or natural, can happen at any time, anywhere.

Yet older adults are among the most vulnerable during a crisis. That’s why it’s critical that seniors, and those who care for them, prepare for emergencies.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-Guide to Making the Move to Assisted Living
Moving to assisted living is a life-changing event.

This guide provides tips and ideas on downsizing, what to pack and how to make the transition smooth for your senior parent.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

Instant Access to Free Guide

 

Guide-Solutions to Common Caregiving ChallengesIn this eBook, you’ll learn how to talk with family and friends about caregiving challenges, how to deal with a parent who is resistant to help, how to get more caregiving help from your siblings, and how to keep your job while caregiving.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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How Moving My Loved One to The Arbors Eliminated My Caregiving ChallengesHave you had to cut back your hours at work to care for your mom? Are you worried about administering medications or injections?

Have you stopped getting together with friends, either because you don’t have the time or you’re too exhausted? Are you becoming the invisible second patient?


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-When is the Right Time for Memory Care?In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia, including the early symptoms of dementia; the seven stages of dementia and the symptoms that typically accompany each one; and the signs it’s time to start exploring your memory care options.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

Instant Access to Free Guide

 

Guide-What to Look for in a Memory Care CommunityIn this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between assisted living and memory care, how healthcare professionals are trained in dementia care, common features of a memory care community, and questions you should ask when exploring your memory care options.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-Brothers and Sisters
Navigating adult sibling relationships can be a challenge, but coming together for the sake of your parent is important.

In this guide, you’ll learn about common sibling conflicts that arise when caring for parents, strategies for getting siblings on board, and where to turn to for help.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-The StandoffAssisted living can be a touchy subject. No matter how you approach it, your parent is likely to have objections to something.

As you help them transition to a new stage of life, it helps to be prepared with answers to their questions and concerns.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

Instant Access to Free Guide

 

Guide-11 Most Common Caregiving Challenges
A Guide to the Most Common Family Caregiver Challenges Associated with Caring for an Aging Parent.

You’ll learn about the true costs of being a family caregiver, common family conflicts that can occur when caring for parents, and some of the unexpected challenges of caregiving.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

Instant Access to Free Guide

 

Guide-Checklist_ Questions to Ask When Touring an Assisted Living Community
This checklist will help to make sure you are getting the most out of your visit to The Arbors.

The list details what important questions to ask during your visit so you are able to make an enlightened choice and find the best assisted living community for your needs.

NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

Instant Access to Free Guide

 

Guide-What is Assisted Living Really LikeIf you’re unsure what Assisted Living looks like in real life, whether there is a difference with nursing homes or a desire to see how community life unfolds, then this guide is exactly what you need.

A guide to discover the Care Team and a Typical Day in Assisted Living.

NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

Instant Access to Free Cost Comparison guide

You’re probably wondering how much the different senior living options compare to your current situation.
If you do, then this guide is exactly what you need.


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