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How The Arbors Helped Tina and Her Family Laugh Again

Tina just wanted to help. Her husband’s sister Nancy* lost her spouse when they were both in their 50s, and her mental health took a turn for the worse.

“It was really difficult for her,” Tina says. “She experienced a lot of depression, which created other issues with nutrition and hygiene and isolation.”

Nancy lived out of state, and Tina and her husband decided to invite her to move to where they live in West Springfield, Massachusetts, so she could be closer to family. Less than a year after she moved, she had a stroke and was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes.

“That created additional problems on top the problems that were already there,” Tina says. “Now it became the challenge of medication management, and there were also some mobility issues.

“It became increasingly obvious to us that, even though we were only five minutes away, the majority of the time she was isolating herself, not eating properly, not taking care of herself,” Tina continues. “We felt responsible because we had encouraged her to move up here.”

No More Date Nights

The stress of caregiving seeped into every aspect of Tina and her husband’s lives.

“It’s energy-draining and time-consuming,” Tina says. “When my husband and I got together to go to dinner, inevitably we’d talk about his sister. All we seemed to be doing was brainstorming how we could improve the situation because everything we tried wasn’t working.”

From a financial standpoint, the couple spent a lot of their personal spending money caring for Nancy.

“We tried different nutritional programs. We hired a personal trainer. We had her join a gym,” Tina says. “All these things we thought would help her engage and work on her health. None of that seemed to be working.”

Tina and her husband aren’t alone. According to AARP’s Family Caregiving and Out-of-Pocket Costs Report, 78 percent of family caregivers incur out-of-pocket costs. In 2016, family caregivers spent an average of $6,954 as a result of caregiving, typically about 20 percent of a caregiver’s income.

Tina cut back on self-care, too: “I work 60 hours a week, and I can’t cut back on work. So, what I had to cut into was personal time for myself. If I wanted to go for a run, I couldn’t because I had to go do something for her.”

Heard It on the Radio

Every Wednesday, Tina hosts a radio show called Wake Up, Wednesday. As the director of the Westfield Council on Aging, Tina has a passion for helping older adults as well as the community in general. One Wednesday, Tina invited Bianca Syriac, who was working as the marketing director at The Arbors at Westfield.

“One of the things she talked about was how The Arbors has units that were for people with more of a limited income,” Tina recalls. “My husband was listening to the show, and when I got home, he said, ‘We need to look into that for my sister.’”

Although Nancy was only 63, she and her family were excited about the possibility of assisted living.

“The age thing isn’t really a factor,” Tina says. “We were trying to be proactive and say let’s make this move while she can enjoy this and while she can engage with other people and get the most out of it — as opposed to after she has the next stroke or ends up in a diabetic coma. We didn’t want to wait for that.”

A New Life

Shortly after Syriac came on Tina’s radio show, Tina and her husband reviewed their finances, reached out to The Arbors, and got the necessary medical forms filled out. Nancy moved into The Arbors at Westfield shortly after Labor Day 2018.

“I am happy to report that it has gone swimmingly well on a lot of fronts,” Tina says.

She and her husband rest easy knowing that Nancy has three meals a day and is socializing with people in the dining room and through the assisted living community’s programming.

“I always like to say to people that you’re renting an apartment with services right outside your door,” says Alicia Dessereau, the current marketing director at The Arbors at Westfield (Syriac is now the marketing director at Ivy at Ellington, an Arbors assisted living community in Ellington, Connecticut). “Those services could be as limited as meals all the way to help in the shower. Knowing your loved one is getting the proper care that you want for them really takes the stress off.”

Assisted living has taken the stress off for Tina and her husband.

“For my husband and me, I think it’s peace of mind that we’re sharing the responsibility for her care with someone else, The Arbors in this case,” Tina says. “Also, it’s about quality of life. When we moved her up here, we wanted her to be happier and more engaged. But that wasn’t happening. That creates a stress and, quite frankly, a sadness for the family.

“But now when I visit with her, she’s much more talkative,” Tina continues. “We’re laughing together again.”

Tina isn’t the only caregiver to take on the emotionally, physically, and financially demanding job and realize she needs help. If you’re looking for ways to lighten your load, download our eBook “How Moving My Loved One to The Arbors Eliminated My Caregiving Challenges” to read more stories from families who experienced caregiving challenges that were then eliminated by moving their loved one to assisted living at The Arbors.

 

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Having “The Talk” With Your Parent: It’s Time for Assisted Living
Talking to your aging parent about moving to an assisted living community isn’t easy.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-The Challenges of Aging: How to Handle Your Aging Parent’s Difficult BehaviorsDifficult behaviors in elderly adults are very common. They may be an expression of frustration your loved one feels or a symptom of early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Becoming a Family Caregiver: What You Need to Know Before Deciding to Take Care of a Loved One
Becoming a family caregiver can be a rewarding experience. It also has its challenges.

There are many questions to answer before making the decision to take care of a loved one.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Helping Your Parent Manage DepressionIs your parent or loved one depressed, or just in a bad mood?

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Is It Depression? A Guide to Identifying and Addressing Depression in Aging AdultsHas your aging parent recently lost interest in activities they used to enjoy? Have you noticed a change in their mood and behavior?

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Has your dad stopped getting together for lunches or outings with friends or visits with neighbors? Have you stopped enjoying time with your parents because you’re a caregiver?

Choosing an assisted living community is a big decision. Learn how to find the right one for you and your loved one.


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Guide-Getting Your Affairs in Order
No one ever plans to be sick or disabled, and disasters, man-made or natural, can happen at any time, anywhere.

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Guide-Guide to Making the Move to Assisted Living
Moving to assisted living is a life-changing event.

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Guide-Solutions to Common Caregiving ChallengesIn this eBook, you’ll learn how to talk with family and friends about caregiving challenges, how to deal with a parent who is resistant to help, how to get more caregiving help from your siblings, and how to keep your job while caregiving.


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How Moving My Loved One to The Arbors Eliminated My Caregiving ChallengesHave you had to cut back your hours at work to care for your mom? Are you worried about administering medications or injections?

Have you stopped getting together with friends, either because you don’t have the time or you’re too exhausted? Are you becoming the invisible second patient?


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Guide-When is the Right Time for Memory Care?In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia, including the early symptoms of dementia; the seven stages of dementia and the symptoms that typically accompany each one; and the signs it’s time to start exploring your memory care options.


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Guide-What to Look for in a Memory Care CommunityIn this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between assisted living and memory care, how healthcare professionals are trained in dementia care, common features of a memory care community, and questions you should ask when exploring your memory care options.


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Guide-The StandoffAssisted living can be a touchy subject. No matter how you approach it, your parent is likely to have objections to something.

As you help them transition to a new stage of life, it helps to be prepared with answers to their questions and concerns.


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Guide-11 Most Common Caregiving Challenges
A Guide to the Most Common Family Caregiver Challenges Associated with Caring for an Aging Parent.

You’ll learn about the true costs of being a family caregiver, common family conflicts that can occur when caring for parents, and some of the unexpected challenges of caregiving.


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Guide-Checklist_ Questions to Ask When Touring an Assisted Living Community
This checklist will help to make sure you are getting the most out of your visit to The Arbors.

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Guide-What is Assisted Living Really LikeIf you’re unsure what Assisted Living looks like in real life, whether there is a difference with nursing homes or a desire to see how community life unfolds, then this guide is exactly what you need.

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You’re probably wondering how much the different senior living options compare to your current situation.
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