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Forget “The Talk”: Having Conversations About What Matters

Talking to your aging parent about moving to an assisted living community isn’t easy and Bob and his three older sisters had “The Talk” with their mom — twice.

The First Talk

Winifred has always been an independent woman. Her husband died at a young age, so she raised their four children by herself. Until recently, she was happy and healthy in an independent living apartment in the town where she raised them in Massachusetts.

Then the siblings started noticing some changes: “Her eating habits weren’t great. She wasn’t socializing as much. She was in need of care and attention,” Bob says. “We all shared our own observations of her living conditions and her lifestyle. It was almost unanimous in terms of what we were observing.

That’s when they decided to approach their mother. Fortunately, she was ready for a change, too.

“She was already feeling the same things,” Bob says. “It was a very easy discussion. There was no resistance from my mother. She was eager to get into a community where she would be with people she could socialize with. That was a huge aspect for her.”

Winifred moved into an assisted living community in December 2017. At first, it was great. Bob’s mother-in-law lived in the same community, and it was easy for him to pop in and out. But it wasn’t as centrally located for his sisters, and then there was the financial component.

“She wanted to be financially independent, and she couldn’t be where she was,” Bob says. “She didn’t want to rely on us to supplement her housing.”

So, they went back to the drawing board.

The Second Talk

As an executive in the IT industry, Bob is business-minded. He built a spreadsheet that included the criteria he, his sisters, and, most importantly, his mom were looking for in her next home. Items ranged from proximity to children and financial independence to socialization and cleanliness.

When Bob shared the spreadsheet with his mom, she modified the criteria.

“She gave us things we hadn’t thought of,” he says. “She really wanted the financial independence piece. Because we were moving for financials, she didn’t want that to happen again. She wanted to make sure it was a long-term placement. That was a big deal for her.”

Using the spreadsheet, the family explored their options — and not just the obvious ones.

“I made sure my mother looked at environments I thought she wouldn’t like,” Bob says. “I did that so she could confirm the ones she did like. If you don’t know what you don’t like, how can you be sure you found the right place?”

Based on the spreadsheet, referrals, tours, and conversations with staff, Winifred chose The Arbors at Dracut. “My mother said, ‘I feel at home,’” Bob says.

So did he and his sisters:

“We fell in love with the whole Arbors concept — the environment, the programs,” Bob continues. “They were focused on my mother. Other facilities would say to me, ‘This apartment is only going to be available to 2 p.m. tomorrow!’ But the Arbors kept talking about the program and worked with us to give us the time and space to make the decision that was right for us.”

When asked what advice Bob would offer other adult children who are in this position, he says:

“Involve your parent. Don’t make the decision for them.”

For more tips and ideas to make talking with your parent and siblings about assisted living easier, download our guide Having “The Talk” With your Parent: It’s Time for Assisted Living.

 

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Assisted Living Costs and AffordabilityAre you considering assisted living for yourself or a loved one but are hesitant about the cost? Assisted living costs, services and amenities vary greatly among the last and most expensive communities, and costs are higher in some states than others.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Having “The Talk” With Your Parent: It’s Time for Assisted Living
Talking to your aging parent about moving to an assisted living community isn’t easy.

Often, many adult children avoid bringing it up because it can be a sensitive topic.

This guide will provide you with helpful tips and insight on how to have a productive conversation with your parent and siblings regarding your parent’s future.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-The Challenges of Aging: How to Handle Your Aging Parent’s Difficult BehaviorsDifficult behaviors in elderly adults are very common. They may be an expression of frustration your loved one feels or a symptom of early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s.

This guide will provide you with skills and knowledge on how to handle difficult behaviors your aging parent may be experiencing.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Becoming a Family Caregiver: What You Need to Know Before Deciding to Take Care of a Loved One
Becoming a family caregiver can be a rewarding experience. It also has its challenges.

There are many questions to answer before making the decision to take care of a loved one.

This guide will provide answers to questions you may have on this topic.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Helping Your Parent Manage DepressionIs your parent or loved one depressed, or just in a bad mood?

What does medication and illness have to do with depression?

How can you help? In this guide, you will be provided with answers to the difficult questions you may have about depression.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Is It Depression? A Guide to Identifying and Addressing Depression in Aging AdultsHas your aging parent recently lost interest in activities they used to enjoy? Have you noticed a change in their mood and behavior?

This guide will provide you with resources and tools on how to identify depression, what are the common causes of depression, and how to promote mental health in your aging loved one.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Assisted Living Frequently Asked Questions and Answers
Does your loved one need more support than what they are getting? Would they benefit from some assistance with daily activities?

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What qualities in a community should you look for? How do you know you made the right decision?


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NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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No one ever plans to be sick or disabled, and disasters, man-made or natural, can happen at any time, anywhere.

Yet older adults are among the most vulnerable during a crisis. That’s why it’s critical that seniors, and those who care for them, prepare for emergencies.


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Guide-Guide to Making the Move to Assisted Living
Moving to assisted living is a life-changing event.

This guide provides tips and ideas on downsizing, what to pack and how to make the transition smooth for your senior parent.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

Instant Access to Free Guide

 

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Have you stopped getting together with friends, either because you don’t have the time or you’re too exhausted? Are you becoming the invisible second patient?


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Guide-When is the Right Time for Memory Care?In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia, including the early symptoms of dementia; the seven stages of dementia and the symptoms that typically accompany each one; and the signs it’s time to start exploring your memory care options.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-What to Look for in a Memory Care CommunityIn this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between assisted living and memory care, how healthcare professionals are trained in dementia care, common features of a memory care community, and questions you should ask when exploring your memory care options.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Navigating adult sibling relationships can be a challenge, but coming together for the sake of your parent is important.

In this guide, you’ll learn about common sibling conflicts that arise when caring for parents, strategies for getting siblings on board, and where to turn to for help.


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Guide-The StandoffAssisted living can be a touchy subject. No matter how you approach it, your parent is likely to have objections to something.

As you help them transition to a new stage of life, it helps to be prepared with answers to their questions and concerns.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-11 Most Common Caregiving Challenges
A Guide to the Most Common Family Caregiver Challenges Associated with Caring for an Aging Parent.

You’ll learn about the true costs of being a family caregiver, common family conflicts that can occur when caring for parents, and some of the unexpected challenges of caregiving.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-Checklist_ Questions to Ask When Touring an Assisted Living Community
This checklist will help to make sure you are getting the most out of your visit to The Arbors.

The list details what important questions to ask during your visit so you are able to make an enlightened choice and find the best assisted living community for your needs.

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Guide-What is Assisted Living Really LikeIf you’re unsure what Assisted Living looks like in real life, whether there is a difference with nursing homes or a desire to see how community life unfolds, then this guide is exactly what you need.

A guide to discover the Care Team and a Typical Day in Assisted Living.

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Instant Access to Free Cost Comparison guide

You’re probably wondering how much the different senior living options compare to your current situation.
If you do, then this guide is exactly what you need.


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