Teresa knows her brothers love their mother, Rose, and that they care about her a tremendous amount, so why was she the only one doing anything to help? If you are the child who takes on most of the caregiving, Teresa’s story may feel familiar. If you live in the Boston metro area, temporary respite care or assisted living at the Arbors at Stoneham may be a solution.
One daughter doing it all
A full-time working mom of a 17-year-old, Teresa has a lot going on. Her brother who lives in town had just gotten married, and her other brother lives 900 miles away from Boston in Indianapolis. Everyone is busy. But when Rose started having a harder time at home—the house the siblings grew up in—Teresa knew something had to change.
“She was having a hard time getting up and down the stairs,” Teresa says. “She had health issues. She lived on a main street, and backing in and out got hard. She was just having a lot of difficulties.”
When Rose’s medical and mobility issues worsened, Teresa started looking for an independent living community closer to where she lived. Teresa wanted her mom to have her independence while also having more support systems around her.
Moving to independent living
For Rose to be able to afford independent living, she had to sell the family home. After putting it on the market, it sold quickly, much quicker than Teresa anticipated, so there was a mad dash to have an estate sale, hire movers, and find the right senior living community.
“I pretty much did it all myself,” Teresa says. “My brothers resented the fact that I did it. So does my mother. She blames me, but truthfully, she would have hurt herself if she stayed at home. She would have fallen down the stairs and nobody would have been around to know the difference. It caused a tremendous amount of stress and emotions. My brothers had their chance to come and help, but they chose not to be involved until the very end. I was the closest to her. I think they were in denial.”
Teresa’s brother came in from Indiana the week before Rose moved, to help her pack.
“But he really just complained that things were disorganized. Why was I rushing her? I didn’t have a choice. The house sold. Had we not taken that sale, who knows if we would have sold it later. She was moving into independent living. You buy into the condo. The only way for her to do that was to get the cash for her house and exchange it. There was no choice from a financial perspective.”
What made it even more frustrating was that Teresa knew things didn’t have to be like this. Her husband had recently navigated caregiving with his sisters, and it went smoothly. “They all agreed and were supportive,” she says. “That doesn’t happen in every family and that did not happen in my family. My brothers tried to be helpful, but it actually caused friction.”
Too many senior living transitions
Rose lived in the independent living community for three years. It still wasn’t her home, but she adjusted OK. Then her medical problems started to develop more, and she was going back and forth between the community and the hospital frequently. Eventually, the community said Rose wasn’t independent anymore. That is when Teresa started looking into assisted living. It was harder than Teresa anticipated. Regulations vary from state to state, and Teresa wanted to find a place that could meet her mother’s care needs.
“It’s really hard to find the right place,” she says. “There are different levels of care at each place. It’s eye-opening as you start to visit these places. You have to figure out where your parent is and then where they can get their needs meet.”
Teresa did her assisted living research while working full time as a health care consultant.
“Being a caregiver is pretty much a full-time job,” she says. “I’m also her power of attorney and her healthcare power of attorney. Besides paying her bills, I do her taxes. I need to do everything. It’s very stressful. It’s very emotional. It’s really tough.”
Finding respite care in Stoneham, MA
After bouncing between the hospital and a skilled nursing rehab facility, Rose transitioned to respite care at The Arbors at Stoneham. For Teresa, it’s a better fit for her mom than the independent living community.
“She came from a place that’s more of a big resort hotel-type setting,” Teresa says. “There were 400 people there. It’s overwhelming. The Arbors is much more homey. It’s much more of a small community. “Christine [Jesoraldo, Marketing Director at The Arbors at Stoneham] is very hands-on with her residents. At other places, they aren’t. If you have 400 people, how could they? That’s what I liked about it. They try to build a relationship right off the bat.”
These days, Teresa’s brothers are still pretty hands-off.
“My younger brother who lives in the area also really believed that my mother needed to move, but he wasn’t involved in the process at all. Now he has a four-year-old. He lives too far and is in a different stage of his life,” she says. “My brother that doesn’t live here, he cares a tremendous amount about my mother, but he doesn’t live here. He doesn’t understand.”
Fortunately, the team at The Arbors has been supportive.
“Christine is wonderful,” Teresa says. “She is really trying to meet my mom’s needs and understand her personality. I think my mother really appreciated that. I felt really comfortable there. I feel the ease and peace of mind that she is there.”
She came from a place that’s more of a big resort hotel-type setting. There were 400 people there. It’s overwhelming. The Arbors is much more homey. It’s much more of a small community.”
— Teresa, daughter of Rose
Why Stoneham assisted living works for Boston families
Whether you are looking for short-term respite care or long-term assisted living, location matters. Stoneham sits close to I-93 and I-95, with easy access to local hospitals and clinics in the north suburbs. For many Boston area families, assisted living in Stoneham, MA, means shorter drives for visits, a familiar neighborhood for mom or dad, and quick access if there is a call from the community.
How respite care in Stoneham offers families a break
Respite care at The Arbors at Stoneham gives caregivers a short-term break while their loved one receives all the benefits of an assisted living community. A respite stay can last a few days or a few weeks, depending on need. Here is how a short stay helps:
- Lowers stress so families can regroup, sleep, and manage work or school
- Ensures help with daily activities such as meals, grooming, and medication management
- Connects older adults to social activities, new friends, and a welcoming neighborhood
- Allows time to evaluate if assisted living services are a good long-term fit
Respite stays are a perfect way for seniors to try out one community before making a long-term move. If your loved one is coming from a hospital or skilled nursing facility, respite care can bridge the gap until they return home or transition to a community with more support.
Why The Arbors at Stoneham was a good fit for Rose
For Rose, shifting from a large independent living property to a smaller assisted living community in Stoneham changed the day-to-day experience. The feel of one community can matter as much as its services. Teresa noticed that a smaller scale, friendly staff, and quick relationship-building lowered her mom’s stress and made it easier for the family to coordinate care.
In a smaller community like The Arbors at Stoneham, assisted living residents are known by name. They receive personalized care and everyday support with medication management, bathing, dressing, and other daily living tasks. They enjoy delicious meals together, a mix of social events and activities, and a private room that feels like home. Knowing all this is provided for can prevent caregiver burnout and reduce friction between siblings.
Tips to reduce sibling conflict during care decisions
The stress of providing the right care for an aging parent can quickly raise family tensions. Here are some ways to get through sibling conflict so you can focus on what’s best for your parent:
- Share facts, not feelings. Bring notes from doctor visits, medication lists, and accessibility concerns.
- Set roles based on strengths. One sibling can handle bills; another can do visits; another can research assisted living communities.
- Use a neutral third party. A care manager or social worker can help align expectations.
- Tour together when possible. Seeing a living facility in person helps everyone understand care needs.
- Consider respite care first. A short stay can show how your parent responds to support without committing to a move.
Additional resources on caregiving and sibling decision making:
- National Institute on Aging caregiving resources
- Senior Living Educational Guides for families
- Top 5 Sibling Caregiver Hot-Button Issues
- 6 Common Roles Siblings Assume in Times of Caregiving Stress
Next steps for caregivers
Caregivers who are not getting help from siblings often balance work, kids, and caregiving alone. A short-term respite stay can be a practical step to see if assisted living in Stoneham works for your loved one and your family.
If you are weighing assisted living options or a short-term respite stay, start a list of your parent’s needs, preferences, and priorities. Bring that list when you tour assisted living communities. Ask about personalized care plans and how the community coordinates with hospitals or other providers if medical care changes.
Considering a short-term stay?
Try a respite care stay in Stoneham to see if assisted living feels right for your loved one.
Assisted living in Stoneham, MA: FAQs
What is assisted living?
Assisted living refers to a community where seniors have their own private apartments and receive assistance with certain activities. Assisted living communities offer a personalized mix of independence and support. Professional caregivers are available to help with tasks like bathing, dressing, and medication management, and the community usually provides a wide array of services including meals, housekeeping, and planned social events.
When should a person go into assisted living?
Consider assisted living when daily tasks become difficult or dangerous. Warning signs include falls, missed medications, weight loss, or caregiver burnout. If a nursing home or skilled nursing care is not required, assisted living may be the right level of support.
How is an assisted living community different than a nursing home?
Assisted living offers maximum independence for older adults who need some daily assistance but do not need the level of care a nursing home provides. Caregivers in an assisted living community offer flexible help with daily tasks, but do not provide in-house medical care. A nursing home or skilled nursing facility provides 24-hour medical care and rehabilitation services. If complex medical care is needed, talk to your healthcare provider about whether skilled nursing is appropriate.
What if my loved one has dementia?
Some communities offer special memory care neighborhoods for people with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia. Not every assisted living community has memory care, and state regulations vary. Always ask about levels of care offered and what happens if needs change.
How much are assisted living costs?
Assisted living costs vary depending on location and amenities. You can check out the median monthly rates for different regions of the U.S. as of 2024 at Genworth’s cost of care interactive tool. As you shop, ask each community which services are and are not included in the base price to ensure you are comparing total costs accurately.