Making the decision to move your mom to assisted living isn’t easy. You’re not alone if you’re struggling with this decision. Many adult children find themselves lying awake at night, asking the same questions: Will she feel abandoned? What if she’s unhappy? Is this the right decision? You might feel guilty and fearful, maybe even second-guess yourself.
We can help you navigate this difficult transition. This article will give you practical advice for before, during, and after your mom’s move into an assisted living community. We’re also happy to help you answer any other questions you might have because many of us at The Arbors & The Ivy have navigated this transition ourselves. Feel free to contact us today to find a community near your family.
Tip #1: Choose the right assisted living community
The right assisted living community will play a major role in how comfortable your mom will feel during her transition. Beyond the apartments and amenities, the culture of a community often makes the biggest difference.
The Arbors & The Ivy are family-owned and operated assisted living communities in Massachusetts and Connecticut. Our family-first approach shows up every day, even in the smallest moments. Familiar staff, long-tenured leadership, and consistent relationships help new residents feel at home. When your mom sees the same caring faces each day, it’s easier for her to feel at ease knowing she’s surrounded by people she can trust.
What to consider: When touring communities, pay attention to how residents and staff interact. Are people engaged with one another? Do staff members greet residents by name?
Find a caring home for someone you love.
Tip #2: Schedule an assisted living tour before making a decision
A helpful way to reduce anxiety (both for yourself and your mom) is to involve her early in the process and tour communities together. Most communities will let you catch a meal at lunch or even join an activity so she can see what life will be like before making a commitment to moving in.
Being included can give her a sense of control during an overwhelming time. Instead of feeling like decisions are being made for her, decisions are made with her. Even seemingly small choices, like how easy it is for her to enjoy her favorite activity, are big parts of how she’ll feel in a place she’ll call home.
What to consider: Even if you’ve already started looking, bring mom into the decision-making process. Have you asked what’s important to her? Does she have a specific place in the country she wants to live? What kind of assisted living amenities does she value most?
Tip #3: Pack intentionally to make her new community feel like home
Downsizing and packing are some of the most emotional parts of the transition to assisted living. Her personal belongings hold decades of memories and meaning to her, and trying to decide what stays and what moves with her will be tough.
Before the move, take time to plan and go through things together—and don’t rush it. Sit down with her and talk about what she wants to bring so she can enjoy her day-to-day and cherish the memories that keep her smiling. Be sure to also talk about furniture and decorations that make her new space feel inviting and warm. Keeping a similar look to where she lives now can make the transition feel more natural.
What to consider: Be thoughtful about her new space and old memories. How big is her new apartment, and how might you lay out the furniture? Can you frame any more pictures to keep her surrounded by loved ones, even outside of visits?
Tip #4: Allow time for the emotional transition
Even when everything goes smoothly, adjusting to assisted living will take time. It might take your mom weeks or even months to fully settle in. She might feel a mix of emotions, sadness, frustration, doubt, or even excitement.
She’ll have good days and bad days—and that’s okay. You don’t need to always push positivity or try to “fix” how she feels. Instead, listen to how she feels and offer reassurance. Being patient and consistent will make a bigger difference than trying to solve problems right away. If she lives in one of our communities, The Arbors & The Ivy team is always close by to lend a listening ear and offer any support we can to make the transition as smooth as possible.
What to consider: Remember that your mom’s entire routine, where she goes to sleep and wakes up, and who she sees every day, are now different. Are you making time to listen to her? Have you talked to the community staff about what kind of emotional support they can offer?
Read more: Common assisted living fears parents have
Tip #5: Be supportive but give mom space to adjust
It’s important and natural to want to check in on her frequently, but it can make it harder to adjust. You’ll need to find the right balance of calling, visiting, and giving her space to settle in.
Encourage her to try some of the activities offered in her new community, meet new neighbors, and establish a new routine. One of the biggest benefits of assisted living is that it’s less lonely than living alone, which is better for mom’s health.
What to consider: Give her time and space to adjust to her new community. Are you calling or visiting too often? Has she been able to make any new friends in assisted living? Do you encourage her to try some new things?
Our family lives here too: The Arbors & The Ivy difference
The Arbors & The Ivy don’t just feel like home, they are home. We’re proud of our communities, and we know we’ve created a place where residents feel supported, welcome, and comfortable. So much, in fact, that we have family living here. Our CEO’s mother lives in one of our communities, a testament to what kind of place we’ve been able to build. Come see what senior living in Westfield, MA, Ellington, CT, or our other communities is like by scheduling a tour. We’d be happy to show you—and your mom—around.