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Marriage and Caregiving: Caring for a Spouse

When you married your spouse, you took a vow to be there for each other “for better or worse.”

Over the years you’ve learned how to adapt to any number of changes – raising children, an empty nest, illnesses, deaths and more. Now it’s caregiving. It can be heartbreaking, hard and scary.

The following tips will help you care for your spouse and not at the expense of your marriage.

Keep a Positive Attitude

Caregiving isn’t easy. Being unable to stop your spouse’s pain or decline is heartbreaking. And looking on the bright side can be hard.

When you can look at the positives in life, it will improve your mood and life satisfaction. It can also improve the care you provide your spouse and yourself. Start writing down five things you’re grateful for each day. Can’t think of five? Start with three. They don’t need to be profound. “It’s not raining today.” “This coffee tastes good.” “My spouse said something funny.” You’re training your mind to notice and dwell on the positive.

All that said, it’s not always possible to be positive all of the time. Emotions are reasonable, even negative ones. If you are having continual trouble, think about attending a support group or visiting a therapist.

Remember to Focus on You as a Couple

When you’re caring for your spouse, your relationship naturally changes. It’s easy to let the caregiving part subsume everything. To protect your relationship as a couple, set aside couple time when you focus on just that. You might not get out for date night, but you can still set aside time for the two of you as a couple.

Keep Communication Open

When a spouse becomes a caregiver, just about every aspect of the relationship changes. Communication and support are two that are easy to overlook.

To the extent they’re able, it’s important for the person who is receiving care to acknowledge the caregiver. Ask how they’re doing, about what they need and support their outside interests. Caregiving relationships can quickly become only about the spouse who needs care. This leaves the caregiver wide open to burnout and depression.

Get Help When You Need It

You promised, “in sickness and health.” Nothing in your vow said that means putting your own health at risk. There’s nothing noble in that.

Many caregivers want to take care of their spouses. They vowed to care for their spouse “in sickness and in health.” Many take that to mean, “I need to do this myself.” However, the vows don’t include anything about “to the detriment of my own health.”

Caring for your spouse is an emotional and physical job. It can be dangerous to go it alone. You could hurt yourself physically or get sick or burnout from stress and strain.

Accept Help When It’s Offered

Accept help when it’s offered. They want to help. You are honoring them by accepting. The load they lift off your shoulders will give you more time to care for your spouse or even a few minutes for yourself!

If someone asks, “What can I do?” give them a job. Keep a list. Anything from larger projects like raking or driving your spouse to an appointment to small, ongoing tasks that you need to remember. For example, you might have a neighbor who would love to push your garbage to the curb and back on garbage day. They enjoy being helpful and you have one less thing to worry about.

Take Care of Yourself

It can’t be overstated. Caregiving is a tough job and it can take a toll. More so for spouses. The statistics back it up. Those caring for a close relative have a higher risk of declining health as a result of caregiving. It’s even higher for those caring for a spouse.

If you’re committed to caring for your spouse, taking care of yourself can’t be a “nice to do.” If you’re not healthy, you won’t be able to provide quality care for any length of time. To keep yourself in caregiving shape, get enough sleep, drink enough water, eat well, exercise and get time alone each day. Even a few minutes of quiet or reading will work wonders.

Watch for Signs of Burnout

Burnout is dangerous. The emotional and physical effects can be devastating. Reach out to your healthcare provider if you have any of these symptoms, they’re new, more intense and last more than a few days.

  • overeating or undereating
  • little or no interest in things that previously brought you joy
  • flat or depressed mood
  • anger/outbursts
  • resentment toward your spouse
  • resentment toward family and friends
  • drinking more
  • consistent lack of energy
  • ignoring your own health needs (delaying or skipping essential appointments like screenings)
  • insomnia

Know your Options

Even if you plan to keep your spouse at home, it pays to know about options in your area. Having information on hand about resources such as assisted living, adult day care, home health care and respite care can keep you from scrambling in a crisis. It also provides peace of mind. If you’d like to learn more about providing care for your spouse, our “Guide to Becoming a Family Caregiver” offers advice about the costs of caregiving, resources available to you, and more.

 

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Having “The Talk” With Your Parent: It’s Time for Assisted Living
Talking to your aging parent about moving to an assisted living community isn’t easy.

Often, many adult children avoid bringing it up because it can be a sensitive topic.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-The Challenges of Aging: How to Handle Your Aging Parent’s Difficult BehaviorsDifficult behaviors in elderly adults are very common. They may be an expression of frustration your loved one feels or a symptom of early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s.

This guide will provide you with skills and knowledge on how to handle difficult behaviors your aging parent may be experiencing.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Becoming a Family Caregiver: What You Need to Know Before Deciding to Take Care of a Loved One
Becoming a family caregiver can be a rewarding experience. It also has its challenges.

There are many questions to answer before making the decision to take care of a loved one.

This guide will provide answers to questions you may have on this topic.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Helping Your Parent Manage DepressionIs your parent or loved one depressed, or just in a bad mood?

What does medication and illness have to do with depression?

How can you help? In this guide, you will be provided with answers to the difficult questions you may have about depression.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Is It Depression? A Guide to Identifying and Addressing Depression in Aging AdultsHas your aging parent recently lost interest in activities they used to enjoy? Have you noticed a change in their mood and behavior?

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No one ever plans to be sick or disabled, and disasters, man-made or natural, can happen at any time, anywhere.

Yet older adults are among the most vulnerable during a crisis. That’s why it’s critical that seniors, and those who care for them, prepare for emergencies.


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Guide-Guide to Making the Move to Assisted Living
Moving to assisted living is a life-changing event.

This guide provides tips and ideas on downsizing, what to pack and how to make the transition smooth for your senior parent.


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Guide-Solutions to Common Caregiving ChallengesIn this eBook, you’ll learn how to talk with family and friends about caregiving challenges, how to deal with a parent who is resistant to help, how to get more caregiving help from your siblings, and how to keep your job while caregiving.


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How Moving My Loved One to The Arbors Eliminated My Caregiving ChallengesHave you had to cut back your hours at work to care for your mom? Are you worried about administering medications or injections?

Have you stopped getting together with friends, either because you don’t have the time or you’re too exhausted? Are you becoming the invisible second patient?


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Guide-When is the Right Time for Memory Care?In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia, including the early symptoms of dementia; the seven stages of dementia and the symptoms that typically accompany each one; and the signs it’s time to start exploring your memory care options.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-What to Look for in a Memory Care CommunityIn this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between assisted living and memory care, how healthcare professionals are trained in dementia care, common features of a memory care community, and questions you should ask when exploring your memory care options.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-Brothers and Sisters
Navigating adult sibling relationships can be a challenge, but coming together for the sake of your parent is important.

In this guide, you’ll learn about common sibling conflicts that arise when caring for parents, strategies for getting siblings on board, and where to turn to for help.


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Guide-The StandoffAssisted living can be a touchy subject. No matter how you approach it, your parent is likely to have objections to something.

As you help them transition to a new stage of life, it helps to be prepared with answers to their questions and concerns.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

Instant Access to Free Guide

 

Guide-11 Most Common Caregiving Challenges
A Guide to the Most Common Family Caregiver Challenges Associated with Caring for an Aging Parent.

You’ll learn about the true costs of being a family caregiver, common family conflicts that can occur when caring for parents, and some of the unexpected challenges of caregiving.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

Instant Access to Free Guide

 

Guide-Checklist_ Questions to Ask When Touring an Assisted Living Community
This checklist will help to make sure you are getting the most out of your visit to The Arbors.

The list details what important questions to ask during your visit so you are able to make an enlightened choice and find the best assisted living community for your needs.

NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-What is Assisted Living Really LikeIf you’re unsure what Assisted Living looks like in real life, whether there is a difference with nursing homes or a desire to see how community life unfolds, then this guide is exactly what you need.

A guide to discover the Care Team and a Typical Day in Assisted Living.

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