5 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Searching for Assisted Living for My Parents

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When your elderly parent starts struggling to care for themselves and can no longer live on their own, you’ll be faced with the decision of what to do next. This can be a difficult path to navigate, especially if you weren’t prepared to make this decision so quickly.

There’s no path around uncertainty — every situation is unique and you have no way of knowing what’s going to happen next. However, there are physicians, social workers, case managers, lawyers, and financial advisers with expertise as well as adult children, family, and friends who have been there before.

In interviews with loved ones of The Arbors’ residents, we uncovered five things they wish they had known before they started searching for assisted living for their parents.

1. Your Parents Will Think of Things You Won’t

Bob’s mom, Winifred, moved into an assisted living community in December 2017. At first, it was great. Bob’s mother-in-law lived in the same community, and it was easy for him to pop in and out. But it wasn’t as centrally located for his sisters, and Winifred had to rely on her children to supplement her income. She didn’t like that, so they went back to the drawing board.

As an executive in the IT industry, Bob is business-minded. He built a spreadsheet that included the criteria he and his sisters were looking for in her next home. When Bob shared the spreadsheet with his mom, she modified the criteria. “She gave us things we hadn’t thought of,” he says. She didn’t realize it, but she was looking for exactly what The Arbors had to offer.

When asked what advice Bob would offer other adult children who are in this position, he says: “Involve your parent. Don’t make the decision for them.”

2. Companion Apartments Are an Option

When Hannah’s mom was told by doctors that she wasn’t safe to live at home, she moved into an assisted living community. A few months later, the staff told Hannah that she needed memory care, which increased the monthly fee a couple of thousand dollars — and that just wasn’t in the budget.

Hannah started Googling memory care communities within a 20-minute radius of where she lived and found The Arbors at Stoughton. She called to get the pricing. Although a single suite was still out of reach, Hannah learned that The Arbors offers companion apartments.

“The price is almost cut in half,” she says. “And she still has a nice apartment with her own bedroom. They share the common area, big family room, kitchen, and a bathroom. We really liked it.”

3. It’s Nothing Like a Nursing Home

John and Christine knew that they would one day be caregivers for their moms, but they weren’t expecting to provide care for John’s Aunt Margaret. However, deaths in the family left Margaret with no one to care for her, and John was her closest next of kin.

Like many families, the couple hadn’t done any research into assisted living communities and assumed they would be just like the nursing homes or retirement homes of the 1960s. They were happy to learn otherwise.

“I learned that assisted living is a really nice place,” Christine says. “I mean, the idea you have in the back of your mind of putting your parent in a home … it wasn’t what I had envisioned. The Arbors is like a home. I said jokingly to John, ‘If Margaret doesn’t like it here, I’ll stay.’”

John adds: “Three square meals a day and entertainment! It’s one of the best choices we could have made for her both mentally and physically.”

4. It’s Important to Find the Right Fit the First Time

When Teresa’s mom’s medical and mobility issues started worsening, she found an independent living community, where Rose lived for three years. Then Rose’s medical problems started to develop more, and she was going back and forth between the community and the hospital frequently. Eventually, the community said Rose wasn’t independent anymore.

After bouncing between the hospital and a skilled nursing rehab facility, Rose moved to The Arbors at Stoughton. “Every time she has a transition, it makes the whole process worse and the recovery much, much longer,” Teresa says.

“It’s really hard to find the right place,” she continues. “There are different levels of care at each place. It’s eye-opening as you start to visit these places. You have to figure out where your parent is and then where they can get their needs meet.”

5. Guilt Can’t Stop You

Sisters Carol and Paula knew it was time to start exploring assisted living options for their 92-year-old mother, but they weren’t excited about it. “It’s not an easy thing to talk to a parent about,” Carol says.

Although it wasn’t easy, it became necessary after their mom required hospitalization and then rehab. “At that point, we knew it was time,” Carol says.

When asked what advice the sisters would offer other adult children who are in this position, Carol says: “Don’t feel guilty to the point that you are not proactive. You have to get past your own guilt and realize you have to do what’s safest for your family member. Don’t get frozen.”

For more tips about researching assisted living communities, download our eBook How to Choose the Right Assisted Living Community.

Este producto es un préstamo minicreditos24 reembolsable en un máximo de 12 cuotas mensuales. La TAE de este producto está fijada en el 99,9%, por lo que, por ejemplo, un préstamo de 800 libras esterlinas reembolsable en 12 meses costará 71,89 libras esterlinas al mes.

 

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    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Have you decided that assisted living is the best option for your elderly parent, and now are feeling overwhelmed on how to begin your search for the right community?

    This guide will go over what you need to know before you make a decision.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Are you considering assisted living for yourself or a loved one but are hesitant about the cost? Assisted living costs, services and amenities vary greatly among the last and most expensive communities, and costs are higher in some states than others.

    This guide will answer questions you may have about the costs of assisted living and recommend resources to help you pay for it.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Talking to your aging parent about moving to an assisted living community isn’t easy.

    Often, many adult children avoid bringing it up because it can be a sensitive topic.

    This guide will provide you with helpful tips and insight on how to have a productive conversation with your parent and siblings regarding your parent’s future.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Difficult behaviors in elderly adults are very common. They may be an expression of frustration your loved one feels or a symptom of early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s.

    This guide will provide you with skills and knowledge on how to handle difficult behaviors your aging parent may be experiencing.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Becoming a family caregiver can be a rewarding experience. It also has its challenges.

    There are many questions to answer before making the decision to take care of a loved one.

    This guide will provide answers to questions you may have on this topic.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Is your parent or loved one depressed, or just in a bad mood?

    What does medication and illness have to do with depression?

    How can you help? In this guide, you will be provided with answers to the difficult questions you may have about depression.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Has your aging parent recently lost interest in activities they used to enjoy? Have you noticed a change in their mood and behavior?

    This guide will provide you with resources and tools on how to identify depression, what are the common causes of depression, and how to promote mental health in your aging loved one.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Does your loved one need more support than what they are getting? Would they benefit from some assistance with daily activities?

    In this guide, you’ll find answers to the most common questions asked about assisted living.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Where do you start searching for assisted living or memory care communities?

    What qualities in a community should you look for? How do you know you made the right decision?


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Has your dad stopped getting together for lunches or outings with friends or visits with neighbors? Have you stopped enjoying time with your parents because you’re a caregiver?

    Choosing an assisted living community is a big decision. Learn how to find the right one for you and your loved one.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    No one ever plans to be sick or disabled, and disasters, man-made or natural, can happen at any time, anywhere.

    Yet older adults are among the most vulnerable during a crisis. That’s why it’s critical that seniors, and those who care for them, prepare for emergencies.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Moving to assisted living is a life-changing event.

    This guide provides tips and ideas on downsizing, what to pack and how to make the transition smooth for your senior parent.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    In this eBook, you’ll learn how to talk with family and friends about caregiving challenges, how to deal with a parent who is resistant to help, how to get more caregiving help from your siblings, and how to keep your job while caregiving.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Have you had to cut back your hours at work to care for your mom? Are you worried about administering medications or injections?

    Have you stopped getting together with friends, either because you don’t have the time or you’re too exhausted? Are you becoming the invisible second patient?


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia, including the early symptoms of dementia; the seven stages of dementia and the symptoms that typically accompany each one; and the signs it’s time to start exploring your memory care options.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between assisted living and memory care, how health care professionals are trained in dementia care, common features of a memory care community, and questions you should ask when exploring your memory care options.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Navigating adult sibling relationships can be a challenge, but coming together for the sake of your parent is important.

    In this guide, you’ll learn about common sibling conflicts that arise when caring for parents, strategies for getting siblings on board, and where to turn to for help.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Assisted living can be a touchy subject. No matter how you approach it, your parent is likely to have objections to something.

    As you help them transition to a new stage of life, it helps to be prepared with answers to their questions and concerns.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    A Guide to the Most Common Family Caregiver Challenges Associated with Caring for an Aging Parent.

    You’ll learn about the true costs of being a family caregiver, common family conflicts that can occur when caring for parents, and some of the unexpected challenges of caregiving.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    This checklist will help to make sure you are getting the most out of your visit to The Arbors.

    The list details what important questions to ask during your visit so you are able to make an enlightened choice and find the best assisted living community for your needs.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    If you’re unsure what Assisted Living looks like in real life, whether there is a difference with nursing homes or a desire to see how community life unfolds, then this guide is exactly what you need.

    A guide to discover the Care Team and a Typical Day in Assisted Living.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Cost Comparison guide

    You’re probably wondering how much the different senior living options compare to your current situation.
    If you do, then this guide is exactly what you need.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    The Arbors / Ivy has been awarded 2023 Reader Raves Award as Best Assisted Living Community