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Re-defining Life After Loss

Moving to an assisted living community is an emotional time, from closing one chapter to moving on to a new part of life. Carole, a resident at The Arbors at Dracut knows these feelings all too well. After taking care of her husband, Ray, the love of her life for 68 years, he passed away. Carole was so busy caring for Ray, that she didn’t have time to care for herself. The morning after his funeral, she was admitted to the hospital only to find she had Atrial Fibrillation, Congestive Heart Failure, and Pneumonia. Like many spouses who assume the role of primary caregiver, putting her husband’s needs before her own took a serious toll on her own health.

Quickly realizing that she wouldn’t be able to live on her own anymore, Carole’s daughters reserved a spot for her at The Arbors at Dracut. “My daughters had a room for me here (The Arbors at Dracut) before it even opened!” says Carole.

You wouldn’t know it speaking to Carole as she grinned ear-to-ear, excited to share her experience after moving to The Arbors at Dracut, but Carole’s first couple of months living at the community were some of the hardest times of her life.  Admittedly, she knew that moving was the best for her, but the move happened so quickly after the passing of her husband. “I was still grieving my husband’s death. I spent a lot of time in my apartment the first two months. ”

Re-uniting with “Old Friends” and Making New Ones

As most people who have spent a significant part of their life living in the Dracut community can attest to: everyone knows someone. One of Carole’s first visits to the dining room at The Arbors at Dracut had her sitting next to the very gentleman that had installed flooring in Carole’s house over 45 years ago. Carole recalled being met with, “Well, hello Carole,” as she settled in for lunch.  “I looked at him confused and said, ‘I’m sorry. How do you know me?”  After sharing a good laugh, the two learned their daughters had also gone to grade school with each other. Visiting the dining room for lunch or dinner has become one of Carole’s favorite part of her days. “I just love talking with everyone, I am usually the last one eating or drinking my tea in the dining room.”

Knowing first-hand how big of a change moving to an assisted living community can be, Carole’s made it her personal mission to bring happiness (in the form of a good laugh or even just a smile) to other residents.

“I was here for about a month and a half and this man, Fred, was always sitting alone. Fred always had a long face and sad eyes. And I went over to him one day with my cup of tea and asked him if he wanted some company. He said yes, so, I sat down, and we talked. I went back again the next morning and did this for three weeks. Finally, during the third week he smiled. I told Fred ‘You smiled! I want to see that smile all of the time.’” said Carole. Fred is now flourishing and even has a girlfriend!

Getting Involved

“It’s hard losing a spouse, no matter what the circumstances are,” says Executive Director Jonathan Athanas. “But, it can be equally hard living in the very place you spent all your time taking care of them.  In some cases, while it might not seem ideal, a move like Carole’s right after a spouse passes away can help lessen the grieving time.  With someone like Carole, especially, who is quite an extrovert, staying at home can make it intimidating to find new activities to get involved with after a husband passes away.  You’re alone, processing the loss of someone you’ve spent over 50 years with, and even without them there, it’s hard to get out of the pattern of being a ‘home body’. In Carole’s case, once she had time to grieve the loss of her husband, we had a variety of recreational activities for her to jump right in to.”

“I’m involved now with everything here (The Arbors at Dracut),” says Carole. She helped plant flowers in the garden, plays cribbage every day, attends the baking class, goes to the live music each week and loves going to the featured movies in the theater.

Carole has become a social butterfly once again. “Living here has changed my life. I love that I don’t have to cook or worry about cleaning my apartment,” says Carole. She can spend her time with friends, and helping others find their happiness, which she loves doing.

Learn more about The Arbors at Dracut by scheduling a tour today.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Having “The Talk” With Your Parent: It’s Time for Assisted Living
Talking to your aging parent about moving to an assisted living community isn’t easy.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-The Challenges of Aging: How to Handle Your Aging Parent’s Difficult BehaviorsDifficult behaviors in elderly adults are very common. They may be an expression of frustration your loved one feels or a symptom of early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Becoming a Family Caregiver: What You Need to Know Before Deciding to Take Care of a Loved One
Becoming a family caregiver can be a rewarding experience. It also has its challenges.

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Helping Your Parent Manage DepressionIs your parent or loved one depressed, or just in a bad mood?

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Is It Depression? A Guide to Identifying and Addressing Depression in Aging AdultsHas your aging parent recently lost interest in activities they used to enjoy? Have you noticed a change in their mood and behavior?

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Has your dad stopped getting together for lunches or outings with friends or visits with neighbors? Have you stopped enjoying time with your parents because you’re a caregiver?

Choosing an assisted living community is a big decision. Learn how to find the right one for you and your loved one.


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Guide-Getting Your Affairs in Order
No one ever plans to be sick or disabled, and disasters, man-made or natural, can happen at any time, anywhere.

Yet older adults are among the most vulnerable during a crisis. That’s why it’s critical that seniors, and those who care for them, prepare for emergencies.


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Guide-Guide to Making the Move to Assisted Living
Moving to assisted living is a life-changing event.

This guide provides tips and ideas on downsizing, what to pack and how to make the transition smooth for your senior parent.


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Guide-Solutions to Common Caregiving ChallengesIn this eBook, you’ll learn how to talk with family and friends about caregiving challenges, how to deal with a parent who is resistant to help, how to get more caregiving help from your siblings, and how to keep your job while caregiving.


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How Moving My Loved One to The Arbors Eliminated My Caregiving ChallengesHave you had to cut back your hours at work to care for your mom? Are you worried about administering medications or injections?

Have you stopped getting together with friends, either because you don’t have the time or you’re too exhausted? Are you becoming the invisible second patient?


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Guide-When is the Right Time for Memory Care?In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia, including the early symptoms of dementia; the seven stages of dementia and the symptoms that typically accompany each one; and the signs it’s time to start exploring your memory care options.


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Guide-What to Look for in a Memory Care CommunityIn this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between assisted living and memory care, how healthcare professionals are trained in dementia care, common features of a memory care community, and questions you should ask when exploring your memory care options.


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Guide-Brothers and Sisters
Navigating adult sibling relationships can be a challenge, but coming together for the sake of your parent is important.

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Guide-The StandoffAssisted living can be a touchy subject. No matter how you approach it, your parent is likely to have objections to something.

As you help them transition to a new stage of life, it helps to be prepared with answers to their questions and concerns.


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Guide-11 Most Common Caregiving Challenges
A Guide to the Most Common Family Caregiver Challenges Associated with Caring for an Aging Parent.

You’ll learn about the true costs of being a family caregiver, common family conflicts that can occur when caring for parents, and some of the unexpected challenges of caregiving.


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Guide-Checklist_ Questions to Ask When Touring an Assisted Living Community
This checklist will help to make sure you are getting the most out of your visit to The Arbors.

The list details what important questions to ask during your visit so you are able to make an enlightened choice and find the best assisted living community for your needs.

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Guide-What is Assisted Living Really LikeIf you’re unsure what Assisted Living looks like in real life, whether there is a difference with nursing homes or a desire to see how community life unfolds, then this guide is exactly what you need.

A guide to discover the Care Team and a Typical Day in Assisted Living.

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You’re probably wondering how much the different senior living options compare to your current situation.
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