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8 Tips for Making Conversations About Assisted Living with Siblings Easier

 

Every family is different. You and your siblings may provide enormous support for one another as you talk to your aging parent about moving to an assisted living community. Your siblings may also make the situation stressful.

What To Know

Know that how your family works through this transition has almost as much to do with the past as it does with the present. Family members often revert to their childhood roles and behaviors and long-buried or forgiven grievances may resurface.

Regardless of your relationships, it’s crucial to approach your parent together. It’s less confusing and makes the situation real. If you, as siblings, can’t agree on what your parent should do, why should they?

If you believe your family can’t have constructive conversations about your parent’s future, ask an elder mediator or health care professional to facilitate. An objective third party can help guide your discussions until you find the best solution for your parent. Much like your parent, your siblings may be grappling with emotions like the stages of grief.

The Stages of Grief for Siblings

The five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — are a part of the framework that can allow your siblings to learn to live with what they feel they may be losing. Here’s a closer look at the different stages of grief your siblings may experience as you broach the topic of assisted living.

Stage 1: Denial

If your sibling chooses to deny that your parent needs more help, they may be trying to protect themselves emotionally. You can present them with evidence to the contrary, but forcing the issue will only strain your relationship.

Having the discussion about assisted living may cause fear and hesitation from your sibling. They may associate assisted living with “the beginning of the end” and underneath it all may be coping with feelings of fear that moving a parent means coming to the realization that someday Mom or Dad might not be there anymore.

Stage 2: Anger

Whether your sibling accepts or denies your parent’s need for more help, they may become angry at the situation, you, or their siblings. Feelings of anger can stem from frustration that they didn’t see the warning signs themselves or may stem from their unrealistic expectation that this is something the family should be able to manage themselves.

Stage 3: Bargaining

Like your parent, your siblings may offer alternative ways that will only partially fix the situation. They might offer financial assistance for in-home care or may offer to help with caregiving.

Stage 4: Depression

When reality sets in, your sibling may withdraw and, like other stages, may act in unfamiliar ways. They may refuse to help with choosing a community or making the move happen.

Stage 5: Acceptance

As your sibling comes to terms with what your parent needs, they can help your parent — and you — plan and participate in the future.

What To Do

Have an open mind to what your siblings may have to say and contribute to the decision about your parent with these different ideas. Here are eight tips for making “the talk” with your siblings easier.

1. Listen

Everyone wants to feel heard. Listen to everyone’s side of the story.

2. Ask for Their Opinions

If you’ve been the primary caretaker, your siblings may feel that you don’t need or want their advice or opinions. Reach out to them with questions, and consider what they have to say.

3. Be Ready to Talk about Finances

Understand your parent’s financial situation so you can answer your siblings’ questions about costs and what your parent can afford.

4. Ask for Help

Your siblings may be more than willing to help, but they don’t know what they can do. Ask them how they’d like to help or give them specific tasks. Know that many times siblings don’t realize that the primary caregiver needs or even wants help.

5. Keep the Communication Lines Open

Decide how you will keep each other informed. Will you meet up or call regularly? Send email updates? When you make this decision early on, there are fewer chances for hurt feelings and information falling through the cracks.

6. Offer Proof

When a sibling doesn’t see your parent regularly, they may need proof that assisted living is necessary. If they haven’t witnessed the changes first hand and aren’t able to visit, compile a list of reasons for moving your parent to an assisted living community.  If you have other siblings or family members, ask for their support.

7. Video Chat

Remember to keep your long-distance siblings informed. It’s easy to jump on Skype or FaceTime for a personal face-to-face update. Phone and email work, too.

8. Ask Long-distance Siblings for Help, too

Your long-distance sibling may think that they can’t help since they’re far away. But many tasks can be done from a distance. They can also check in more frequently with your parent. They may provide more information to your sibling or express more questions or concerns.

The stages of grief are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life and circumstances. Grief occurs in response to loss. Moving a parent to assisted living can be a scary thought. But with the right approach, realistic expectations about what you might encounter, and a desire to find the best possible quality of life for your parent, any challenging conversation with your siblings can be navigated.

For more tips and ideas to make having “The Talk” with your parent and siblings easier, download our guide Having “The Talk” With your Parent: It’s Time for Assisted Living.

 

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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Assisted Living Costs and AffordabilityAre you considering assisted living for yourself or a loved one but are hesitant about the cost? Assisted living costs, services and amenities vary greatly among the last and most expensive communities, and costs are higher in some states than others.

This guide will answer questions you may have about the costs of assisted living and recommend resources to help you pay for it.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Having “The Talk” With Your Parent: It’s Time for Assisted Living
Talking to your aging parent about moving to an assisted living community isn’t easy.

Often, many adult children avoid bringing it up because it can be a sensitive topic.

This guide will provide you with helpful tips and insight on how to have a productive conversation with your parent and siblings regarding your parent’s future.


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Instant Access to Free Guide

 

The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-The Challenges of Aging: How to Handle Your Aging Parent’s Difficult BehaviorsDifficult behaviors in elderly adults are very common. They may be an expression of frustration your loved one feels or a symptom of early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s.

This guide will provide you with skills and knowledge on how to handle difficult behaviors your aging parent may be experiencing.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Becoming a Family Caregiver: What You Need to Know Before Deciding to Take Care of a Loved One
Becoming a family caregiver can be a rewarding experience. It also has its challenges.

There are many questions to answer before making the decision to take care of a loved one.

This guide will provide answers to questions you may have on this topic.


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The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Helping Your Parent Manage DepressionIs your parent or loved one depressed, or just in a bad mood?

What does medication and illness have to do with depression?

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No one ever plans to be sick or disabled, and disasters, man-made or natural, can happen at any time, anywhere.

Yet older adults are among the most vulnerable during a crisis. That’s why it’s critical that seniors, and those who care for them, prepare for emergencies.


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Guide-Guide to Making the Move to Assisted Living
Moving to assisted living is a life-changing event.

This guide provides tips and ideas on downsizing, what to pack and how to make the transition smooth for your senior parent.


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How Moving My Loved One to The Arbors Eliminated My Caregiving ChallengesHave you had to cut back your hours at work to care for your mom? Are you worried about administering medications or injections?

Have you stopped getting together with friends, either because you don’t have the time or you’re too exhausted? Are you becoming the invisible second patient?


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-When is the Right Time for Memory Care?In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia, including the early symptoms of dementia; the seven stages of dementia and the symptoms that typically accompany each one; and the signs it’s time to start exploring your memory care options.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-What to Look for in a Memory Care CommunityIn this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between assisted living and memory care, how healthcare professionals are trained in dementia care, common features of a memory care community, and questions you should ask when exploring your memory care options.


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In this guide, you’ll learn about common sibling conflicts that arise when caring for parents, strategies for getting siblings on board, and where to turn to for help.


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Guide-The StandoffAssisted living can be a touchy subject. No matter how you approach it, your parent is likely to have objections to something.

As you help them transition to a new stage of life, it helps to be prepared with answers to their questions and concerns.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-11 Most Common Caregiving Challenges
A Guide to the Most Common Family Caregiver Challenges Associated with Caring for an Aging Parent.

You’ll learn about the true costs of being a family caregiver, common family conflicts that can occur when caring for parents, and some of the unexpected challenges of caregiving.


NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

Instant Access to Free Guide

 

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This checklist will help to make sure you are getting the most out of your visit to The Arbors.

The list details what important questions to ask during your visit so you are able to make an enlightened choice and find the best assisted living community for your needs.

NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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Guide-What is Assisted Living Really LikeIf you’re unsure what Assisted Living looks like in real life, whether there is a difference with nursing homes or a desire to see how community life unfolds, then this guide is exactly what you need.

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