Dealing with Caregiver Guilt

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Your parents raised you. They took care of you. They helped you when you needed help. But you can’t do it. You can’t take care of them the way you’d like to. They’re becoming more frail. They’re getting sick more often. You’re worried that they might fall. And they can’t keep up with home maintenance like they did when they were younger. Your lawn is not getting mowed because you’re mowing the lawn at your parents’ house.

Sometimes, they become confused or frightened, and they call you. You’ve had to leave business meetings, missed your grandkids’ recitals, and missed dinner with your spouse.

This can’t go on much longer. You’re stressed to the breaking point. You swore to your parents that you would never put them in a nursing home. But they’re not safe at home, and you can’t do it any more.

Caregiver Guilt

Caregiver guilt is prevalent, according to Alexis Abramson, a gerontologist. Although the situation may not be under control, he advises caregivers to control how they react.

When caregiving becomes too much, caregivers need to take the pressure off themselves, he advocates. They need to involve others, either by enlisting siblings or exploring alternative living arrangements.

Assisted Living

After investigating their options, many caregivers choose Assisted Living as the best one for their parents for the following reasons:

That doesn’t stop the guilt though.

Kay Paggi, a geriatric care manager, says you haven’t failed your parents. By moving your parents to Assisted Living, you are ensuring they receive the best care and the most opportunities for living a full life possible.

Surely, you would feel more guilty if your mother fell down and broke a hip.

And it’s not just your parents’ health that should concern you. Caregivers who become overwhelmed suffer mental and physical health issues, according to Dr. Keith L. Black, chairman of the Department of Neurosurgery at Cedar-Sinai Medical Center.

How would you keep caring for them if you’re too sick to care for yourself?

When your parent moves into an Assisted Living community, it’s important to continue your role as caretaker. Reassure her that you will always be there for her, advises Paggi.

She suggested that reassurance can take several forms:

  • Visit frequently, whether in person, by phone or email
  • Attend community events with your parent
  • Schedule family events and celebrations at the community if possible
  • Schedule a jewelry or make-up party with your mother as hostess at the community

In most cases, after a brief period of orientation, parents begin to meet new people and attend activities offered at Assisted Living communities. Staff members introduce them to other residents and encourage them to attend activities.

“Because of your great activities program, he has returned to painting, loves the exercise class, and looks forward to baking for the different fundraising events. The staff has included him in flower planting, herb gardening, picture taking, and many other things,” noted Kathy Wallace, whose father lives at Arbors at Greenfield.

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    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    This guide will answer questions you may have about the costs of assisted living and recommend resources to help you pay for it.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    This guide will provide you with skills and knowledge on how to handle difficult behaviors your aging parent may be experiencing.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    This guide will provide answers to questions you may have on this topic.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    How can you help? In this guide, you will be provided with answers to the difficult questions you may have about depression.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    What qualities in a community should you look for? How do you know you made the right decision?


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    Yet older adults are among the most vulnerable during a crisis. That’s why it’s critical that seniors, and those who care for them, prepare for emergencies.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    This guide provides tips and ideas on downsizing, what to pack and how to make the transition smooth for your senior parent.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    In this eBook, you’ll learn how to talk with family and friends about caregiving challenges, how to deal with a parent who is resistant to help, how to get more caregiving help from your siblings, and how to keep your job while caregiving.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Have you had to cut back your hours at work to care for your mom? Are you worried about administering medications or injections?

    Have you stopped getting together with friends, either because you don’t have the time or you’re too exhausted? Are you becoming the invisible second patient?


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia, including the early symptoms of dementia; the seven stages of dementia and the symptoms that typically accompany each one; and the signs it’s time to start exploring your memory care options.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


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    In this guide, you’ll learn about common sibling conflicts that arise when caring for parents, strategies for getting siblings on board, and where to turn to for help.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Assisted living can be a touchy subject. No matter how you approach it, your parent is likely to have objections to something.

    As you help them transition to a new stage of life, it helps to be prepared with answers to their questions and concerns.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    A Guide to the Most Common Family Caregiver Challenges Associated with Caring for an Aging Parent.

    You’ll learn about the true costs of being a family caregiver, common family conflicts that can occur when caring for parents, and some of the unexpected challenges of caregiving.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    This checklist will help to make sure you are getting the most out of your visit to The Arbors.

    The list details what important questions to ask during your visit so you are able to make an enlightened choice and find the best assisted living community for your needs.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    If you’re unsure what Assisted Living looks like in real life, whether there is a difference with nursing homes or a desire to see how community life unfolds, then this guide is exactly what you need.

    A guide to discover the Care Team and a Typical Day in Assisted Living.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

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